Release Day Blitz
Complicate Me
Best Selling Author M. ROBINSON
Cover Design: Rebecca Marie at The Final Wrap
It was complicated, it was also just the beginning.
A decision.
A simple choice.
There is always that one moment
in life where things could have been different. That one moment where you could
have chosen a path that would lead you down a certain road.
A different life.
It was easier to pretend that we
were still best friends, and that she was my girl and I was her boy.
Pretending was better than
knowing the truth...
I. Ruined. Us.
I had her.
I lost her.
I love her.
All I did was complicate us.
My brown eyed girl sat on
our blankets with her arms wrapped around her knees, hiding her face. The
tiny frame that I adored so much shook uncontrollably, only heightening
the deepest sobbing that escalated with each passing second. It was such
an intimate moment, not to be shared with anyone, especially me. Alex
didn’t cry. I watched her bawl for the first time in my life. I had never
seen anyone cry like that before, and it shook me to my core, slicing me
whole, and making me feel like I was dying. Carving a memory that I would take
to my grave. There was no going back…
No erasing.
No do overs.
No deleting.
What I witnessed
tonight would be my purgatory; I would now close my eyes and forever see
her falling apart in front of me. Shattering before my very own eyes and I
found it hard to breathe.
Hard to move.
My feet were glued to
the goddamn floor as she continued to weep, sob, bawl, violently sucking
in air that wasn’t available. I accepted it all; each tear that fell from
her face becoming pieces of me. Circulating through my veins and blood, it
flowed endlessly, a river of her sadness and sorrow and of my broken promises.
No beginning or ending to her cries, just an infinite current, flooding the
hole where my heart should be. The shadow of her trembling petite body
reflected off the walls, leaving a trail of regrets in its wake.
Mine.
Hers.
Ours.
Growing up in a small
town you overheard a lot of things. People talking, stories told, town
gossip. You listened a lot. You learned a lot. Tourists, townies, friends,
and especially family all shared wisdom and advice that you think you will
never need.
Bunch of bullshit. They
say you have that one moment in life where
things
could have been different, that one moment that changes the course of your life
or the direction you could have taken. That one moment that could forever
change you and everything you wanted to be true, everything you wanted to
believe. One simple decision could alter your entire future.
My entire world.
I would forever remember
this moment for the rest of my life. This is the moment that changed
everything. This is the moment where I took another direction, another
road that led me to my own demise. My own regrets. I should have walked in there. I
should have apologized. I should have begged for her forgiveness. I should have
promised that I would never hurt her again. I should have done whatever it took
to make her look at me the way she had our entire lives.
But I didn’t…
I did none of those things…
Not one.
Nothing was said between us.
No words.
No actions.
I was a coward and
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t see her like that. I couldn’t look into her
eyes and know that I had hurt her. That I had disappointed her. That I
ruined her love and lost her respect for me. The boy who promised he
would never hurt her.
The boy who swore he
would always protect her.
The boy who vowed he
would never let anything happen to her.
That same boy was me.
I was the reason she
was bawling.
I was the reason she
was hurt.
I was the reason she
was broken.
She knew the truth. It
had finally caught up to me… I shattered her illusion that I was hers. I
ruined the one good thing I had in my life. The girl that owned my heart
was bleeding out for me in a way that I had never seen before. The house
was no longer our safe place.
I had brought my
hurricane with me…
I couldn’t risk
the possibility of losing her permanently if I walked in there and
admitted my truths. She wouldn’t love me anymore, she wouldn’t look at me
the same anymore, and she wouldn’t be mine anymore.
My brown eyed girl.
The girl that I had loved
all of my life.
The same girl that I would love
for the rest of my life.
Alexandra.
I gave her the only comfort
I could in her moment of despair. I turned around and left. I walked down
the stairs and got into my truck. I turned the engine on and drove my
sorry ass home. I took a shower and never once looked at myself in the
mirror. I pretended that nothing changed. That I didn’t cause her pain, and
that she didn’t know the truth. That I didn’t see her sobbing and that she
wasn’t even bawling to begin with. That we were still just best friends, and
that she was my girl and I was her boy.
My Half-Pint and her Bo.
It was better than knowing…
I ruined us.
Best Selling Author M. Robinson loves to read. She favors anything that has angst,
romance, triangles, cheating, love, and of course sex! She has been reading
since the Babysitters Club and R.L. Stein.
She was born in New Jersey but was raised in Tampa Fl. She is currently pursuing
her Ph.D in psychology, with two years left.
She is married to an amazing man who she loves to pieces. They have two German
Shepherd mixes and a Tabby cat.
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